Oppie 2

Oppenheimer is a good movie; I just didn’t like it.

It’s about physics, but has no physics. It’s about war, but they never show the war. Occasionally references are made to troops dying in the Pacific theater, but those troops get none of the passionate intensity of the victims of the A-bombs. There’s no question about whether or not the bomb will be built. You never question the outcome of anything. This is partially due to the chronological discontinuities, but the result is that the outcomes are all foregone conclusions.

But that’s how movies work, unfortunately.

Decisions

I was talking with my mother a few days ago about some issues. I need to decide which of several courses of action I should take. I don’t have time, money, or energy for all of them, but one, a business venture, is pretty risky. Not only is it risky, I’m not entirely sure I want it to succeed. It’s high risk, high uncertainty, questionable reward, and the opportunity cost would be extreme. My mother’s pretty good at asking basic questions: how much would it cost, how much time would it take, can you do both, does it have to be done anyway, etc.

After the concrete details were hashed out and the known and unknown unknowns at least noted, I said something to the effect of, “I really wish I knew how this will turn out before I start. Anyone ever said that before?”

Without missing a beat, she says, “No. No one has ever wondered that.”

Sarcasm aside, there’s no answer. We obviously weren’t going to figure out the ‘right’ path, because it’s unknowable in before-time and horse-kick-to-the-face obvious in after-time.

In actually unrelated news, my favorite form of speculative fiction is historic tectonic plate geography.

Secrets

Never let them see you’re really three racoons in a trenchcoat. Maintain. Always.

TiH:0

Is anyone actually reading this other than me? I feel like I should just start over and not make the same mistakes again.

Status

Fixed minor problems in 36. Chapter 37 rewritten.

Edit: 38 is now rewritten

New 37 is below

Chapter 37

Death on Osret too. I grabbed a sheaf papers from one of the files Hoarfast had been reading, spoke Raln, and threw the papers. They cut through flesh like butter, nearly amputating Osret’s arm. The folders in his hand dropped, his arm fell limp, and it dangled from the shoulder on rope of flesh.

He screamed.

I grabbed a stapler, spoke Raln again, and prepared to spike Hoarfast’s head to the floor.

In the moment I paused, he took an opening and threw a short hook into my side, hitting the cold bane with unerring precision. That felt like explosions, freezing cold explosions, that reached up to send icicles through my eyes, chills through my brain, and frost through my veins. I crumpled, rolled over and gasped.

He tried to get up and couldn’t. He barely flailed over sideways to put his back toward me, and wiggled and squirmed the other way. His arms and legs spasmed.

I stood, fell, hit a chair, and pulled off the cushion. Priam had fully upholstered chairs, and this one had patterns of thick yarn. I could cut someone in half with something like that. Hoarfast got up again and fell sideways against a wall.

Osret grabbed him. The Celestial assassin tried to get his wits back, to clear his head enough to fight, but Osret hadn’t been rattled like he had. Osret shoved Hoarfast toward the dumbwaiter hatch.

“You do not fight crazy-guy!”

Hoarfast looked like he wanted to argue, but he wasn’t steady enough on his feet. Instead he grabbed the folders and let the Hemlin push him through the forgotten door.

I tried to get up, fell, and my legs didn’t work. That didn’t make any sense. I slapped them, grabbed Priam’s glass desk for balance, but my fingers didn’t close. I stood up, but my upper body didn’t stay over my feet. I slumped to the side, more upright than not, but leaning. When I tried to counterbalance torso and legs, I couldn’t get things going in the same direction, and my body made a wobbly S.

Osret looked back at me and dove through the dumbwaiter hatch.

I fell over.

It had only been one punch! And it wasn’t even a head shot. He’d gotten one body shot on me, and I felt like this.

The door slammed open. Someone put their shoulder behind it as they shoved, but with no one on the other side, the door banged against the doorstop.

In the doorway stood a suited man with salt-and-pepper hair and skin of cracked porcelain. He was a little taller than me, a little thinner, with a beard still black under the ears and nose but white around the chin. Long fine cracks ran over his face, hiding under his hair, and branching like the veins in marble. His hands had those same cracks, but they were pitted with tiny pieces missing. He wore a crisp gray suit with a emerald tie, and around the collar and cuffs, his suit had started cracking as well.

I grabbed the desk, heaved myself up, and stood there for a few breaths. I was going to have to fight this old guy. I could take him.

He stepped through the door and called over his shoulder, “Nevermind! It’s nothing.” He shut the door behind him.

I could still take him. I was standing up now. Admittedly, I needed a desk to do it, but I was standing up at least.

“Hroth Urmain.” Judicial Director Priam read my name tag as he moved to his chair. Keeping the desk between us, he sat down. “You do not look Tarsant.”

“I take after my father.”

“Over the summer we had a mentorship program, and I was assigned Hroth Urmain. I get about a third of the summer interns. Hroth was having problems because he didn’t show up to work on time, so I talked about motivation, discipline, and the importance of consistency for thirty minutes every other week, trying to find new and exciting ways to say, ‘Show up to work on time.’ He never did.”

“I grew a lot over the winter.”

“Let’s see. There’s blood by the door, but you’re not bleeding. Someone in here yelled Raln, so that must have been you.” He leaned sideways in his chair, looking around the desk. “I see my reading table has been destroyed, and there’s a hole in the wall. Splinters and rubble inside, but the boards are bent outward. People have gone through in both directions. There are no folders over there, but–” He looked down.

Just aside the doorway was a pile of papers, mildly blood splattered. I’d thrown them at Osret and nearly cut off his arm. Now they remained.

Priam picked them up, glanced at the title page, and looked up at me.

“So you must be Kog,” he said, and turned around the folder to show me my file.

It was the treason addendum.

Did I want to initiate on him and take the file right now?

Priam put the folder on the desk and put his hands on the arm rests of his office chair. A .43 Testament lay in his lap now, and that was a serious gun. He didn’t move toward it. He didn’t move toward the folder. He watched me.

Reading the room had been a cop thing to do. Guessing my identity had been a cop thing. Putting the file between us, showing me a gun, but sitting back and waiting was not a cop thing to do. I didn’t know what to make of this.

“I want that folder,” I said.

“I will let you have it. I’ll even give you a glass of rockblood. It soothes injuries.”

“If?” I asked.

“If you sit down and listen to me for a little bit.”

“Why would I do that?” I asked.

“Because, Mr. Kog, of the many unwise things I think you’ve done and the many poor decisions I think you make, I don’t think breeding dragons is one of them.”

I stammered. “I didn’t know breeding dragons was an option.”

“It isn’t. It’s treason.”

“I didn’t know that was a treason you could commit.”

“You are scheduled for an administrative hearing for it,” said Priam. He leaned back in the chair. The gun lay in his lap. It was a black steel thing that looked like a sledgehammer on a pistol grip. “I am scheduling the hearing. I was out trying to arrange one this morning.”

“And?”

“We didn’t have a quorum. The chairman had a dentist’s appointment.”

“So… the meeting was delayed?”

“Maybe. Next time I might have a dentist’s appointment.”

And there it was.

I hate thinking in slow motion.

I could just take the folder and run, and I’d no sooner considered it than Priam said, “No one went out this door. There’s blood on the floor, so the fight was no mere distraction. None of the windows are broken. That means whomever you fought probably escaped through that little hatch. Now you can go chasing them in the dark with your injury.” He pointed at my side. “But Mr. Kog, does that sound like a good idea to you?”

“And you’ve already read the folder anyway.”

“Yes.”

“Then I don’t see what you can do for me. If you’ve read the file, other people have. There’s a whole committee that went over it. And–”

Priam interjected, “Because, Mr. Kog, they didn’t read your file. We didn’t have quorum. No one reads unnecessarily around here. And this is your file. This specific one. If you were to take this to the roof and burn it with all the other strands of destiny that never happened, it would be gone. Your main file can be sealed.”

“But who compiled the file?”

“My staff. Now, Mr. Kog, why don’t you take a seat and let me pour you a drink.”

In the Future, When I’m Rich

If I ever get an endorsement deal, it’s going to be for 3M Command Strips or Unicomp keyboards.

Though if it’s the latter, I’m going to want one with a hard-switch to enable/disable the Windows keys as part of my retainer.

Status

So here’s what’s going on.

I had to go to visit my customer. I work for a tech company, and the customer is quite some distance away. Most of my meetings are online, but physical meetings are necessary. At some point you’ve got to go talk to people face to face.

Last fall I took my qualifying exams for the PhD. I’m particularly displeased about how those tests went, but I passed. While studying, I wrote a lot of TiH. It was low intensity fun work. The first draft is nothing like what has been published. It’s full of airships and gun battles. But I had twenty chapters or so of the second draft done when, in early January of this year, I got bored and wanted to start publishing stuff.

AO3 makes publishing original fiction difficult and prohibits fiction I intend to publish in book form, so I couldn’t put it there. It all went up on LC (here).

Now, on a personal note, if I don’t have deadlines, I don’t get anything done. On the other hand between school, work, and writing, I’m overloaded. I also do a lot of BJJ, which eats time but is vital for physical and mental health. For a long time I was coasting on my cushion. That ran out a few weeks ago, somewhere around chapter 30, and I’ve been staying one step ahead. Last week, on a customer visit, I tripped.

Tolkien got stuck in the Lord of the Rings when the Hobbits came to Bree. JRR didn’t know who Strider was, where to go, why Gandalf wasn’t there, or any of it. That’s how I feel. He put things aside for a long time. I’m too impatient for that.

But I do need to push a few leads. I write like I’m solving a maze, full of dead ends and plot lines that peter out into nothing. Most of these plot lines take two or three chapters to reveal the problems. When I’m only a chapter or so ahead, I don’t have time to fix all that. This was the problem with the Nine, btw, and compounding factors like AO3 and the job/work/time dichotomy made everything worse. What I need to do is get five chapters ahead. I’m not sure how to do that within the clock constraints

Flying

Saw a guy get into an argument with a United employee at the airport. The flight was horrendous, and I wanted to side with the passenger. But he lost his temper, and it was like watching a lightswitch get flicked. He went from customer to just-another-jerk in an instant. He lost.

I’m home again. Missed an update. I’ll see what I can do but not tonight.

Sleep well, everyone. I’m rooting for you.

Oppenheimer

I’m deeply conflicted about Oppenheimer.

Not apathetic, as in I don’t care enough to have an opinion. I’m not mildly ambivalent as I am with many good action movies. The fight scenes are fine, the script is terrible, but it is what it is.

No I feel with passionate intensity both affection and dislike for the movie, and I’m not sure what to make of that. I haven’t felt truly conflicted about a movie in years.

This is probably the mark of good cinema.